Monday, November 28, 2005
This isn't good, because he now feels depressed, and like a failure.
First off I would like to thank you for your continuous concern in Kyle's life. You are doing the best you can with the circumstances involved. If every parent were as patient and loving as you, having to deal with chemically imbalanced children, the generation of kids that we see today would not feel so out of place and overwhelmed with society. It would be an acceptable place for those suffering with Bi-Polar disorders. Keep your patience and love alive. My parents did. I am Bi-Polar. My name is Shawn. I have struggled with this disease all my life. It is not my fault or my parents. Shit happens! Below you will find a link helping you to cope with Kyle. You are right, this is not Kyle's fault. There is no real evidence that shows how a person becomes bi-polar, we just know that it happens all around us. The fact of the matter is, the problem is right in front of us, it is real and alive. Concerned, loving parents and friends of Bi-Polar people have to live with the struggles of keeping a bi-polar person safe and frequently checked upon, if they are not in tune with their own illness. In regards to Kyle, I hope Social Security Disability becomes a continuous program for him. I strongly suggest, at this time, that he proceeds with getting on it. It covers his medications as well, through Medi-Cal. The extra income could help him on a month to month basis. Kyle will still be allowed to work, however, there is an amount he would not be able to go over. If he does go over the amount, Social Security will withdraw some of the earnings. It’s the State and that’s just how it is. Once he has proven his disability, has qualified for State Disability, and has been on it for about a year; other opportunities are opened up to Kyle. Kyle will be allowed to get on HUD. As long as Kyle is being steady with obeying rules and following normal procedures from the State, Kyle can have his own place to call home. His rental amount will be cut into a third of the normal cost. He will be allowed Food Assistance to help him out through the month, every month. All of this can be looked into through your local Human Resources Department or government agencies dealing with these issues. They are out there and available for Kyle, if he wants to pursue them. He can receive help with schooling if he should choose to do so, all the while holding down a part-time job, which allows for his confidence level to be at a balance. Ultimately, the decision is Kyle’s though. If he does not want to be helped, then he will learn things the hard way. I would be concerned about your own state of health as a main priority. How can we offer someone a ride on an empty tank? You see, a bi-polar person can exhaust all of your resources, leaving you completely drained of self and him. He must make a decision for himself. Keep your limits with him. Being patient does not mean an oversight in rules. You must set things straight with him. Kyle is an adult now and needs to make an important choice to be such. He is not your total responsibility. Kyle has the ability to make informed decisions that will affect how his life will become. Whether it be a good or a bad choice is really his decision, not ours. It’s not your fault! I know that Kyle is having a difficult time with making decisions, believe me. That’s why you must, and I mean absolutely must, make him aware that there is a limit here. Let him know your concerns as you have already. Let him know your limits and the consequences. Make the consequences effect Kyle in such a way that will turn his direction more towards you. For me, persistent rules and unaffordable consequences, turned me towards the help I really needed. For example, if Kyle is living in your home, there must be a curfew. If he does not follow your rules, then there must be consequences. You set them yourself. Get everyone you know involved. Kyle needs to realize that he has a disorder and that his disorder effects everyone around him. He also has the ability to live a ’normal’ life in society as everyone else. Kyle must make this choice for himself. I wish you the best and I will be in touch. I hope this link is helpful to you.