Tuesday, October 14, 2003
Kyle came back this morning, he thought everyone was gone. I don't know if he has a key, but he was cold. I showed him where Karen had put his clothes in a box on the deck, brought him a warmer jacket and a stocking hat. I gave him a letter Karen had written, and told him yesterday was the final straw. He needed to make some tough decisions before we would let him back, if ever. He rolled his eyes when I told him he could check himself into the hospital, and it's doubtful he'll do it. But I don't know what he's going to do, or where he'll stay.
A part of me says we're over-reacting. I mean, the only drug he seems to be using is marijuana, and sometimes alcohol, and marijuana seems to me to be somewhat benign. In fact, at times I think they should consider legalizing it. When I was 18 years old, in the mid seventies, I could drink legally in Iowa. Add to that all the other stuff going on in the seventies, and I came through it OK. But the scary part with Kyle is that he seems completely unable to control it. Like yesterday, smoking a joint where his mother could see him, and hiding something when he came back out to the car. I was NEVER that out of control. But he doesn't drive, so he's not really in a position to harm anyone, at least not that I can picture.
So why are we so concerned? He is a bad influence on his brothers and sisters, and he's giving us a bad reputation in our new neighborhood. He spends his entire paycheck within hours of receiving it, and that's not good. He seems to have fallen head over heels into the drug culture, and I'm worried that he may be dealing to support his marijuana habit. He's not dealing big-time as he never has a dime to his name. But selling enough to keep himself in smoke is another possibility. He seems to be hooked on porn, we find traces of it constantly on the computer. But, is this really any different than many other 19 year olds?
Is this really enough to justify checking him into a hospital for treatment? I've known people who did that, and it's like they're REALLY screwed up when they get out. This worries me. I love him dearly, and his personality is so remarkable when he's around and interacting with the family. I don't want him to lose that. I think he'll probably someday grow out of this, but it seems now like he's falling deeper into a pit with every passing week. I suppose he has to hit bottom sometime so he can start back up again. I just wish he was able to do it on his own.