Saturday, August 09, 2003

It is late and I have just had a fight with Kyle. And he has taken off. This is the very worst part of having a bipolar son. I have been thinking about what to compare it to. It is like having five horses. Then you find out that one is not a horse but a unicorn. A unicorn with wonderful magical powers. But you can't take out the wildness and he can't be handled like a horse. Sometimes the responsibility seems to be too much for me. I worry more about Kyle than all our other children put together.

He quit taking his medicine. We had suspected this, and the other day I found his pill on the floor. I approached him about it and he lied and said he had taken it. Then tonight I resorted to checking under his tongue. Sure enough, it was there. He refused to take it. I tried to force him and he argued with me. He said that he hadn't taken any meds for 19 years, so why should he start now. He had a fight with his dad this morning. I know that wouldn't have happened if he was taking his medicine. He claims that he isn't fun anymore.

Being the mother of a bipolar son is so hard. I worry that he will be arrested. I worry that he won't come home. I worry that he will do something dangerous and will die. His problems force me to think about him constantly. But his wonderful unicorn side is so much fun to be around.


Kyle did some wild, crazy things in high school. His junior year he caught and let a squirrel out in the halls on the last senior day. Another time, in front of hundreds of people in the cafeteria he yelled "They can take our trays but they can't take our freedom." Then he ran full speed and dove headfirst into a 20 foot slide into where they wash the lunch trays. The whole cafeteria cheered. On yet another occasion he read a children's book to the cafeteria. He even streaked through the school wearing a monkey mask on the last day of school. He would wear the most bizarre outfits to school. One day he wore a bathrobe with a rubber duck and sleepers. He wore trash bags another day. On yet another he went as a Mere cat. Now other stories are starting to come out. For example he just told me that he had someone (who was 15) drive him on the hood of their car down a very busy street in our city. In our futile attempt to keep track of him we had an alarm on his room so he couldn't sneak out. And yet he figured out how to do it all the time.

We have five incredible kids. And yet Kyle seems always to have center stage. It may sound simplistic but he truly is like living with a unicorn. The same rules don't apply to unicorns. He doesn't eat the same food. He doesn't sleep at night. He is untamed and uncontrollable. And yet his brilliance sparkles. He amazes me every day.

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