Wednesday, July 16, 2003
A lot has happened since my last post late Monday night.
When Kyle left Monday night, he knew what he was doing. We drew a line in the sand, he chose to cross that line. They say when a bipolar person is in their manic phase, the pursuit of pleasure will override everything, including the logical. My wife thinks it wasn't even an option for him, his disorder precluded all but this option. Nevertheless, he broke his contract, crossed that line in the sand, and he's forced to live with the consequence, and find another place to live. Just before he went out the door, we saw him reach under his bed. We went through his room after he left, and under his bed found codeine he stole from his grandparents. Tylenol with codeine, and cough syrup with codeine. That's what he was reaching for before he left. We also found pot, mostly stems. It looks like he cleaned a bag that day. We also found a diuretic he took from his grandparents. I wonder if he knows what that is...
He came back that night at 3:00 AM knocking on the door, saying he wanted in his room to "get his stuff". I wouldn't let him in, telling him he would have to come back in the morning and make arrangements with us. Of course I couldn't sleep, and walked out at about 6:00 AM, catching him crawling out of a hole in our garage door. He had kicked out a panel in our garage so he could climb in! Well, I lost it. I came after him for all I was worth. I'm not proud of this, in fact it scares me to death. I proceeded to physically beat him up in a fist fight. He got up, and ran off. I went back inside and collapsed in tears. While I do sometimes suffer from anger issues, I had no idea I was capable of an outburst like that. I told my wife what happened, and promised her I would see the doctor later that day to see if I would benefit from medication myself. As it turns out, l was diagnosed with depression, and prescribed meds for that and mood swings. But back to my son...
He did return later that morning, and my wife offered to take him to his grandparents until he could make other arrangements. He ended up making it to work that day, and I'm happy about that.
Now, more decisions to make. He will start asking when he can come home. He just can't realize he is an adult, and can and must be on his own. I really think he still sees himself as a kid. Ours is the only home he is capable of picturing. He doesn't talk about the future, never talks about earning money and buying a car, or getting a apartment, he is stuck in the here and now. I really and truly don't think he is capable of seeing tomorrow. My wife and I will need to reach a decision on this soon. I will take the stance he needs to be on his own so he no longer disrupts the family the way he does. She will want to bring him back in, and she will win out, as always. But I don't think he would ever leave for another place, he's not capable of picturing himself on his own. I don't know if he ever will be...
When Kyle left Monday night, he knew what he was doing. We drew a line in the sand, he chose to cross that line. They say when a bipolar person is in their manic phase, the pursuit of pleasure will override everything, including the logical. My wife thinks it wasn't even an option for him, his disorder precluded all but this option. Nevertheless, he broke his contract, crossed that line in the sand, and he's forced to live with the consequence, and find another place to live. Just before he went out the door, we saw him reach under his bed. We went through his room after he left, and under his bed found codeine he stole from his grandparents. Tylenol with codeine, and cough syrup with codeine. That's what he was reaching for before he left. We also found pot, mostly stems. It looks like he cleaned a bag that day. We also found a diuretic he took from his grandparents. I wonder if he knows what that is...
He came back that night at 3:00 AM knocking on the door, saying he wanted in his room to "get his stuff". I wouldn't let him in, telling him he would have to come back in the morning and make arrangements with us. Of course I couldn't sleep, and walked out at about 6:00 AM, catching him crawling out of a hole in our garage door. He had kicked out a panel in our garage so he could climb in! Well, I lost it. I came after him for all I was worth. I'm not proud of this, in fact it scares me to death. I proceeded to physically beat him up in a fist fight. He got up, and ran off. I went back inside and collapsed in tears. While I do sometimes suffer from anger issues, I had no idea I was capable of an outburst like that. I told my wife what happened, and promised her I would see the doctor later that day to see if I would benefit from medication myself. As it turns out, l was diagnosed with depression, and prescribed meds for that and mood swings. But back to my son...
He did return later that morning, and my wife offered to take him to his grandparents until he could make other arrangements. He ended up making it to work that day, and I'm happy about that.
Now, more decisions to make. He will start asking when he can come home. He just can't realize he is an adult, and can and must be on his own. I really think he still sees himself as a kid. Ours is the only home he is capable of picturing. He doesn't talk about the future, never talks about earning money and buying a car, or getting a apartment, he is stuck in the here and now. I really and truly don't think he is capable of seeing tomorrow. My wife and I will need to reach a decision on this soon. I will take the stance he needs to be on his own so he no longer disrupts the family the way he does. She will want to bring him back in, and she will win out, as always. But I don't think he would ever leave for another place, he's not capable of picturing himself on his own. I don't know if he ever will be...
