Saturday, July 26, 2003
I took Kyle to the public defender yesterday. I really like her. Kyle didn't care too much for her. He has never had much love for anyone in authority. I went in with him for the meeting. She went over his case. His record even showed all the times he ran away as a teen and we reported him missing. She asked if he knew what went wrong and he just sat there. I was glad I went to the meeting. I told her how he was bipolar and now on medicine. She said he will probably be fined and at the worst be put on probation. Kyle handled it pretty well. He said afterwards that she was pretty nice.
On the way home we talked on the way about the book, Electroboy. He said it was kind of discouraging. He also said he hates me bringing up the manic depression all the time. I promised him that I would lay off of him. I just want him to accept it and work with it. I told him that it was kind of like when I found out that his brother had asthma. I read and read on asthma and was after him all the time about his medicine. Now his brother takes care of himself and uses his inhaler on his own. I don't even think about his asthma because he has learned to work with it. If only this was as easy! I was very disturbed yesterday that he had burn marks on his hands and legs. He said a friend paid him to let him burn him. I told him that he didn't sound like much of a friend.
Kyle said that his friend, Tom, who is a youth director at a church wants him to join his band. I told him that was wonderful. But Kyle said that it is a real problem not having a car. We made plans to get his I.D. card on Monday and apply at a hotel reservation center where his brother is working. I hope he gets the job. I told him that if he gives his earnings to his grandma that he should have enough for a car and insurance in no time. We talked about his medicine. He has been taking it. He said he still has manic moments where he feels he must do something dangerous. He said he hates the feeling and wishes that he could be normal and just sit around watching t.v. We talked about the past and he said that he told me that he needed help last year. He refused to go to a psychiatrist last year after he signed up for the marines.
Today he asked to come over and we went to look at the new house. He loved the room downstairs and asked about moving in. He is going out with a kid tonight from the youth group.
Odds and ends:
We got some very encouraging emails. And yesterday at our church art school the pottery lady said her dad was bipolar and killed himself when she was in high school. She said that her brother is suicidal now. I told her to call Catholic Charities and gave her the number. We are not Catholic but they have had the most wonderful counselors. We are praying for each other.
One incident that sticks out from Kyle's childhood was a zoo trip. I took our three children to the zoo and Kyle got lost. We searched for at least twenty minutes. When I found him I scolded him because I was so worried. Later in the day he told me that some older teenagers were taunting him about his ears; calling him Dumbo and such. I felt so bad that he was lost and being taunted. He was made fun of quite a bit. He always acted like it didn't bother him. Once he went ice skating with his friend with one arm. I saw some girls teasing the two of them and I rushed up. I thought they were making fun of his friend but they were actually making fun of Kyle. Once some kids were standing in front of our store pulling out their ears. When they came in I charged them double for their pop and told them why. It got to be an issue at school. The principal asked me why we didn't just get his ears fixed. She was a rather callous person. I told my mom and she said if that was what Kyle wanted she would pay for it. The next time Kyle brought up someone making fun of his ears I told him that if it bothered him he could get them fixed but that his dad and I thought that he looked great. He asked if it would hurt and I said yes. He said he wanted to do it. We had it done before he started Junior High. He was so excited to start Junior High.