Sunday, July 13, 2003

Kyle seemed to like his new job. He goes back on Tuesday. It is kind of strange but he sneaks off probably because he doesn't want us to know who he is with. But then he calls later to say that he is all right. I have kind of resigned myself to the fact that he is making his own decisions. I can't force him to stay home. If he starts to blatantly use drugs or alchohol in the house, then he can stay with my parents. He is taking the Zyprexa and I can really see a difference. No one else can but that is o.k. I have always seen the very worse of Kyle. It was almost like he felt safe to show me this horrible ugly monster living inside of him. Well, the monster hasn't been showing itself lately which thrills me no end. It is almost too much to hope for that it is gone for good.


I think I must start at the beginning of Kyle's life to give you the full background of him. He was born on time in April. He was a beautiful big baby over nine pounds. He was the biggest baby that we had. He was jaundiced for a couple of weeks. All the counselors that we had seen asked about the jaundice as if it was an answer. One of our other children was also jaundiced and never had a bit of problems. I often wonder now if he was bipolar from the start or if that was something that developed later. He has always been difficult. The day we brought him home from the hospital he woke up to nurse every 30 minutes. I lost my baby weight plus twenty pounds extra. I also had a seventeen month old boy and I got very little sleep for two years after Kyle was born. He had colic for four months and then like magic it was gone. He walked very early like all of our children did. He quit nursing abruptly at ten months. I was disappointed. I wanted to nurse him for a year. He was a wonderful eater and was rather chubby. Besides the constant waking up at night he was a loving baby. When he was a toddler he became more difficult. More history tomorrow. . .


A book that I am enjoying reading is Electroboy by Andy Behrman It is an autobiography by a man who is currently living in New York City who is bipolar. I have enjoyed him describing the mania. I never have understood it.

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